The Ballad of Vermonter Ted

NOW THIS IS THE STORY ‘BOUT A MAN NAMED TED
A 5TH GEN VERMONTER WHO BARELY KEPT HIS FAMILY FED
WHEN ONE DAY WHILE A-HUNTING ON HIS LAND
HE DECIDED TO GROW HIS OWN FOOD SO HE HIRED A HELPING HAND
FAMILY THAT IS…WIFE, CHILDREN, GRANDMA

WELL THE CROPS GREW SO WELL THAT THEY COULDN’T EAT IT ALL
SO THEY SOLD THEIR FRESH VEGETABLES AT THE LOCAL MALL
CANNED CORN AND BEETS WERE SOLD YEAR ‘ROUND IN STORES BOTH FAR AND NEAR
AND TED EXPANDED HIS STOCK WITH THE PROFITS REAPED THAT YEAR
WITH COWS THAT IS, BEEF AND DAIRY, AND WITH CHICKENS AND SHEEP

WELL HE HAD TO HOUSE HIS LIVESTOCK SO HE BUILT A YANKEE BARN
WITH SPACE ENOUGH TO STORE FIVE TRACTORS, HAY, AND GRANDMA’S YARN
HE ALSO BUILT A SUGAR HOUSE AND TAPPED HIS MAPLE TREES
AND BOILED, AND JARRED, AND CANNED, AND SOLD THIS SWEET MYSTERY
SYRUP THAT IS, VERMONT GOLD, NEW ENGLAND TEA

WELL THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW THERE CAME A KNOCKING AT THE DOOR
THE TAX MAN SAID TO TED, “HEY, YOU’RE NO LONGER POOR!
“YOU HAVE A FARM, YOU’RE MAKING MONEY, YOU CAN GO TO JAIL
IF YOU DON’T FILE AND PAY YOUR TAXES.”   ALL TED COULD DO WAS PALE
LOSE HIS COLOR THAT IS, FEEL WEAK, RESEMBLE CASPER

NOW THAT’S THE STORY OF VERMONTER TED, WHOSE ENDING I’LL LET BE
BUT HE COULD HAVE AVOIDED THIS WHOLE MESS, HAD HE ONLY COME TO ME

Kim LaBarge